my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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