you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
