its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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