Nicole vs. Life
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
