we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
