so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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