I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
