She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
