My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Shame - the story of my life.
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