The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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