I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
