thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
