Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
