but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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