sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
