Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
