Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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