I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I understand Curling. That high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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