I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
