Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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