i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
