Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
