I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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