She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
