Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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