Need sex. Gaining weight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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