will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
