don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
