He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
