Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my poor anus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
