you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
