I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
