Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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