Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
