You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
