i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
