the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
