Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
