i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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