just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
