I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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