I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
