Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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