Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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