weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
