I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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