Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
