the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
