True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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