i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
