FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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