He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
