he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
