woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
