"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
