My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
