thus making me awesome and them whores
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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