the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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