Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
