THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
