Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
