I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
