in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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