it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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