I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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