you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
