I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
