you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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