this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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