I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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