You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
