Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
