I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize