So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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