so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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