So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
