Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
