You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
