So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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