I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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