First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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