i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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