i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
