I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
