lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
